I wish I didn't care so much

Today, after some brief moments, my love and I tok the bus to get her to
school. While on the bus, she showed me her diary and said how she wrote
a post a few days ago, and I asked to take a look. She said yes, and I
liked what I read, it made me smile. She said how she broke up with
Iftekher and got with me, and then gave a little description of our snow
day, which was pretty cute. I always love when my love writes about us,
though she doesn't really anymore...
Feeling curious, I decided to snoop a bit and found somethings I didn't
like as much. She had a ton of entries about her ex and each one made me
more upset than the last. I hated it, I hated how she described her
feelings for him, it literally drove me crazy, and Sharon took notice.
She got a bit upset because I promised that I wouldn't get mad, but I
did. I don't know... I'm a really jealous guy and seeing what she said
about him and what they did hurt me a lot. I began to think that maybe
she loved him more than she loves me, that I wasn't that special after
all, and that I really wasn't that love she had never had before. Even
writing about this makes me upset.
But yeah, I didn't tell her this, but I noticed how she used a lot more
love and emotion when writing about him in comparison to writing about
me. She'd say how much she loved him and ect. But when she was posting
about me, she barely even described me at all, she didn't say she loved
me or what I meant to her. It hurt, I think that might have hurt more
than anything. Thinking about it, she wrote more about him more in my
opinion. She said that its because she doesn't have time and how she'd
write because she was bored and he didn't do much, but I don't know, I
wish she'd write more about me if she really does love me more than she
loved him, but hey, if she doesn't want to, I'm not gonna force her.
I should probably stop now, I know she's gonna wind up getting sad after
reading this anyways, and I don't really want that. I just hope that she
reads this after we hang out later, I really don't want this messing
anything up, it's such a beautiful day and I hate seeing my beautiful
love frown on days like this, or any day in general as a matter of
fact.
I love you, hun. Please don't get upset or think I'm upset... well I
kinda am, but I'll get over it, it's just what I see and feel... damn,
she's made me too emotional -.-"
--mhshsho