Train of Thought.

A little while ago, my sweet love told me that he was crying due to what I told him about my emotionlessness. I got so sad and cried when I read his blog post. He kept beating himself up over causing me to become a little distant from him. I don't want him to do that. When I told him it was okay and that he just had to tell me how he was feeling and what he waas thinking, I really meant it. That's basically all I want. I know that shit goes down all the time at his place and mine but I can deal with it. Him, he would always wind up becoming upset or violent so I want to be there to help him and soothe him as much as I possibly can. I want to be of use to him once in a while. I know he is trying to spoil me and treat me right but I really want to help him once in a while. I want to give him something in return somehow. Something other than materialistic replacements for my affection towards him. I really do love him so much, I would do anything for him. I don't want him to be beating himself up at all. I don't want him to do it for any reason at all. He means everything to me. He's my life.
I've always wanted him to be my everything. I already knew that he would treat me well, that he would definitely treat me like a princess. I was ecstatic when he asked me out, the first time he kissed me, and the first time I got to hold his hand. I really did love him to the utmost extent and I still do. I knew he would be the one for me. I knew it for two whole years and my dream had finally come true. It wasn't like a dream come tre. It was a dream come true. The dream that I had so many times, the dream that I would imagine in class while listening to the teacher, the dream I would think of while staring up at the cieling and biting my pencil top while taking a chemistry test. He was already the love of my life. My everything. But he didn't belong to me. That was all I could think of. The fact that he wasn't mine. But it doesn't really matter anymore. He's currently mine and he will continue to be in the future.
I love you, Kevin. I really, really do. I love you...
--mhshsho