Nostalgia.

Last night, I was talking to my love about how today was National Weed Day or something like that. While we were talking about that, I remembered my times with people from middle school and how they used to look and act. I compared them to how they are now and I can't help but feel a little sad that they have changed so much. I can't deny that people have to change sooner or later in life, whether it be for good or for bad. I just seemed to miss how we were back then when we wanted to grow up and be free when now, we only want to be young again in some ways. I was talking to him about how we would always fool around and run around being young and having a lot of fun. Especially in my middle school, considering how our school was ridiculously well funded, many of us would run around and be carefree all day long and nothing would really bother us except when someone lost their homework or when people were fighting over who gets to copy whose homework. Those days were really the comfortable ones. Nowadays, in our high school life, everything is filled with drama and stress. Everything involves parents, tests, essays, colleges, friends, and love. Of course, there are always those who don't even make it through their entire high school life because they either dropped out or they killed themselves. Those people may have it harder than us who stayed in school and alive, or they may just be too weak to want to go through all the trouble that high school brings. I know that even though school may be incredibly stressful, we have to bear through it and that the stress and drama would all be worth it someday.
Now that I think back to my middle school life, I had some of the best moments of my life. Middle school is definitely one of my most treasured and joyful moments of my educational life. I remember that play that my entire grade had to work together for in seventh grade. That time was so very hectic yet it was extremely fun. I know I got yelled at a few times by the Literacy and Social Studies teachers for not being prepared. I cried. Of course. I was the crybaby of my grade. Practically everyone knew that. The play/opera that we did took at least a month or two to prepare for so basically, our entire grade sacrificed all of our time in English and History classes to prepare for the opera so that we would be able to make the show as decent/amazing as we could. The rehearsals were full of fooling around and screaming teachers. Even though they were amusing, it was still hectic. Everyone had to find out where they had to be during standby and where everything was to be set when they were moving stuff on-stage. On the opening night, everyone was rushing and everything was absolutely chaotic. Rose and I, the two make-up artists who were assigned to stay backstage freaked out about missing make-up. I was running up and down the stairs carrying the make-up, dropping some, picking them up, dropping more, running after the ones that rolled away. Opening night was so much fun though. Everyone backstage had to be quiet while the opera took place but we would always go and wander around backstage with flashlights since it would always be pitch black there. It was always incredibly dark. There would be no light visible except the red light of the exit signs and the faint light that was able to seep into the back, through the curtains, which wasn't much at all. That was about all the light that we were able to see, when we didn't have a bunch of flashlights on. Whenever we did have the flashlights on, though, we would be roaming back and forth looking for people to chat with. Rose and I would always go to the other side of the stage to find the setup crew and just chill there.
Most of the people from the setup crew were from the Asian Gang that we formed at the school. It was basically a group of Asians who came together and maybe some other non-Asians that we dubbed to be Asian. We would all hang out with each other and just be happy. But now... it's not the same case anymore. The remainder of that group ended up excluding many of us from it. One being me because I never talk to them anymore and we are in totally different schools now. Besides, we've all made new friends and have changed drastically from how we used to be. Some of us haven't changed that much in personality but have changed a lot in appearances. Some of us changed a lot in appearances and not in personality.  There are some of us who haven't changed whatsoever. Then, most of us have changed into absolutely different people altogether. I'm one of those who haven't had much of a personality change but my appearance has changed a lot since middle school. I used to look like a guy and I hated wearing things like shorts and skirts. I would never go outside without sneakers on and I absolutely despised showing my legs. I also hated make-up. Now, I love wearing skirts and shorts, especially when it is unbearably hot outside. I love to wear heels and sandals outside but I still do love my sneakers a lot. Speaking of sneakers, I need a new pair of Jordans... Now, I grow my hair out as long as I possibly can and I prefer wearing my contacts over wearing my glasses. I still hate make-up though. It makes my face feel heavy.
Also, back then, I preferred Eastern Asians over any type of guy but not anymore. Okay, I still do prefer Eastern Asians but my boyfriend is an exception. He is a tall white/Hispanic guy who I love to death. I never knew that one day, I would end up dating a guy like him. Although he isn't Asian, he is everything I have tried to dream about and everything I was never able to dream about. That's how amazing he is to me. He is my beloved and I never want to let him go for anything.
Nowadays, people change according to their surroundings because the age of people who are most easily influenced nowadays are those who are in the age range of 15-18 years old. I don't know why but that's just something that I noticed. Many of the friends that I've had during middle school have started smoking weed/cigarettes and doing drugs. Before this, they were always fun-loving people to me and they seemed to all have been very carefree. I learned that even though someone may appear to be something and act like a certain thing, they may not necessarily be that. I learned the same thing about myself because I also tend to hide the fact that I have something troubling me to myself. All I ever try to show people is the happy and chipper side of me. The side that acts like a little kid. I never show what I look like when I'm in trouble and I need help because ever since I was a kid, I wasn't really able to tell anyone anything. I learned to rely on myself and myself only, involving none others and dealing with it all on my own. Now, I still try to rely on myself but Kevin ends to get me to tell him stuff. He tells me that he wants to bear my burden with me. I don't really mind at all but I think he already has enough of his own stuff to have to deal with already. I love him and I want to share everything with him, including his burdens. If he wants to know and share mine, he has to let me know about his and let me help. He knows this. =] ♥