"Before The Worst."

I'm listening to "Before The Worst" by The Script. I love this song so much. It reflects how I feel. I want to pull out of this family. We have many good moments and I have fun with these people once in a while but I can't take it anymore. The bad moments in this apartment always outweigh everything else. I can't help that I'm not perfect and I can't help that they won't accept me for who and what I am. I have to pull out before something good happens again. I have to save myself the pain, save myself before anything else happens, before I destroy myself. I only have to live here for one more year and I can detach from this family completely. Only one more year and I will be officially legal. I have to bear with it. I won't be able to deal with the pain I receive every time I do something wrong and they degrade me. I can't take any more of the stress. I don't want to break down but if this continues, I won't be able to hold it all in. It already feels like it's going to burst. I really can't stand it anymore. I have to get out of here before something goes wrong and there won't be any way back. I've already dug myself into a deep enough hole. Any more of this and I won't be able to climb out anymore. Any more and the pile of dirt that had once filled the hole will topple over and bury me alive, head to toe.
I'm listening to "We Cry" by The Script now.
Kevin is trying to pull me out. He's doing his best to prevent me from crashing. He's holding me up and I need him to keep me sane. Right now, he's all I have. I don't want to bother Alyssa about it because she has her own problems. I don't want to burden her with my problems too. I don't want to bother Allison now that we're not too close anymore. I don't want to be a bother. I have to hold myself up, or at least try to. I really need Kevin's help. He's the only reason I'm still alive right now. He's the only reason I'm staying sane. He's my only hope. If he's gone, I don't know what I'll do. I don't how I'll live. I wont know how to deal with anything anymore. I can't stand it. I need him in my life, to keep me alive and functional. I know I'm being repetitive but it's true. He's all I have now. He's the only one I can be together with. The only one I can depend on completely. There's so much sadness in my life, I cry. I cry constantly. Once I start, I can't stop until he makes me stop. Until he makes me cheer up a little with his silly antics and his loving little kisses. He's my everything and I rely on him. I'd just be a useless shell that was shed by an animal, sitting alone on the beach, in the sand, letting people trample over me until there's nothing but shattered pieces of me left, mixing into the sand and washing away, different pieces spreading throughout the world, traveling through the oceans and ending up on another beach somewhere in the world, lost and without an idea where I am.
I just can't take the stress anymore. It's overwhelming now. There's nothing left in me. It's hard to make an effort. I'm not as strong as everyone else. I'm different. I can't hold myself up as well as everyone else can. I'm about to collapse. Hope really is too far gone now. Without Kevin, there will literally be nothing left.
Save me, love.
I used to soar in the sky, I used to fly. I  used to live. Now, my wings are clipped, there's a tag on my leg, a collar around my neck. My feathers are coming off, I'm losing my wings. They're becoming useless. I'm caged. All I can do now is curl up in the corner of my cage and cry, grasping desperately to my bear. All I can do now is let people poke at me with sticks, be forced to perform tricks. Hate me if you will, but don't take my bear from me. Don't take my teddy bear away from me. It's damaged and roughed up but it's still beautiful, it's still my treasure. He's still my treasure. Don't take it away from me.
Save me, love.